Despite my years in studying and working in psychology, I only recently did some delving into this subject. My intrigue was sparked by a conversation with a fellow therapist as we sought to understand the difference between self-esteem and confidence. We had decided between us, that it is possible to be confident in certain areas of your life, yet generally lack self-esteem.
I decided to do more research and it turns out that according to Katty Kay(see ref) and other psychologists, we were basically right. For those that might not get a chance to read the paper (its fine, I totally get it!), but the gist of it is that confidence is ‘domain specific’ which is a fancy psychological term that means confidence isn’t a general thing, but something that is experienced in specific areas.
The first person that sprung to mind was Tina Turner: a woman with immense talent and ability, that garnered masses of success and yet in the early stages of her career experienced severe domestic violence. Other legends such as Billy Holiday and Marilyn Monroe, albeit very beautiful and successful, had turbulent love affairs. In these cases their talent and successes pertained to their confidence in creative areas, whereas their relationships reflected their level of self-esteem, based on the standards they set for themselves.
I then went on to research how low self-esteem presents itself. Lynda Field says:
“Wherever you have a boundary problem, you will also have low self-esteem. Poor relationships, unhealthy boundaries and low self-esteem go hand in hand.”
I started to reflect upon past relationships that were not that great and how I was feeling about myself when these relationships began. I found that the times where my self-esteem was at its lowest, was when I attracted low experiences…then I started to remember the ways in which I got myself out of them.
It required some work but it started with the willingness to change. I didn’t know how it was going to happen but I knew that life could not continue along this path. From the moment I DECIDED that I wanted better for myself, that my journey began.
If you have found this inspiring and would like to begin your own journey into boosting your self-esteem and being your most fabulous self, then you can contact me on firstname.lastname@example.org or if you prefer to window shop then go to www.therapyforthemind.co.uk.
Thanks for reading!
Confidence Vs Self esteem– Katty Kay (http://theconfidencecode.com/2014/03/confidence-vs-self-esteem/)
60 Ways to Boost Your Confidence, by Lynda Field.